Author: Frank

Infinite Sadness

Frank

It was an afternoon like any other, killing time at my family’s store by turning anything I could get my hands on into some kind of toy. Grandpa hadn’t yet come back after his daily afternoon nap and Grandma asked if I wanted to go home with her to check on him. Go to Grandma’s house? She didn’t have to ask me twice. Walking up the steps, I unlocked the door helping my grandma with arms full of groceries. I opened the door and stepped aside to let her in. The groceries dropped and my grandma rushed me back down the steps. But I still saw. My grandfather lay lifeless on the kitchen floor.

I was babysat by friends of the family for what seemed like hours (we were watching a PBS documentary on bats; not exactly my idea of a good time) which gave me ample time to reflect on life, death, and the afterlife. At nine years old, it was somewhat comprehensible. I understood heaven, kinda understood hell, and didn’t for the life of me understand purgatory (and still don’t). I rationalized the eternal consequence of what just happened, but did not feel anything about what that meant for those of us still living in this life. Perplexed, with wheels always turning, I wondered what this life really meant.

I thought a lot about it, but didn’t feel anything. At least not until a few days later, when after the funeral I found my sister engulfed in tears sitting at a typewriter at our grandparent’s house. On the page were written all of her feelings; a last goodbye from his little princess. Then, and only then, was I able to understand sadness.

As the years passed, I suffered more loss. My favorite uncle passed away while I was in the eighth grade, countless friends of the family passed away over the years, and I lost my father right as my junior year in college began. Because of this, I thought I understood death and understood sadness.

When I became a disciple of Jesus four years after my father died, eternal life took on more significant a meaning than paintings of angels sitting on clouds in heaven. “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:55) So when I next faced death,I thought my faith was mature enough to handle it. Or so I thought, I still didn’t know how to feel. My wife lost her foster mom, whom she loved dearly despite only living with her for two years. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to help, I was paralyzed by this unfamiliar feeling-sadness. Sure I was sad when my dad passed away, but I drowned that out. I had nowhere to run from these feelings. There was no bottle to crawl into. And so I cried. Right around the same time I watched Big Fish and could not stop crying. For hours. This new feeling opened up a wellspring that I has not yet run dry. I now cry at just about anything, most notoriously while watching Finding Nemo.

Now Glynn Young reminded me that “Jesus wept” (John 11:35), and that it’s ok for men to cry. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I don’t like this feeling and so I avoid it as much as I can.

I was avoiding it a couple of weeks ago while my wife’s grandmother suffered a stroke at 102 years of age. Following the stroke, she couldn’t talk, which meant she couldn’t eat. If she couldn’t eat, that meant she was going to die. She had a living will which stated she didn’t want any kind of support, including a feeding tube. So we prepared for the inevitable. She was sharp as a knife in her mind, but she couldn’t communicate. We had to assume she was preparing for the inevitable as well. Watching her, still in her bed biding time, I was consumed with sadness. I wasn’t sad about the inevitable loss of her life, she was 102 after all. But I could not help but to think about what must have been going through her mind. She knew she was about to die and couldn’t do a thing about it. Again, that sadness paralyzed me.

Recently, my wife and I watched the Time Traveler’s Wife. Again, I felt this “melancholy and infinite sadness” as I related to Eric Bana’s character towards the end. (kinda spoiler alert if you haven’t seen it) Because he could travel through time, he knew when he was going to die. How would he have felt? What was he thinking? I was just as torn watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. (another spoiler if you haven’t seen it) Here, Brad Pitt’s character had “aged” to infancy with a completely mature mind to comprehend what was happening. The waterworks started flowing as this baby gripped the love of his life’s finger as he passed away.

I don’t like death. As a Christian, I should embrace it, glory in Christ’s resurrection. But I don’t. I cannot get over the sadness that comes with it. I can’t help but think about the inevitable end to our mortality and the loved ones left behind. To be honest, I don’t want to die. In high school, an exercise in my psychology class asked each of us to list one thing we were afraid of. My answer was death. Twenty years later, I wouldn’t change that answer.

Jesus presents quite the paradox. Facing the knowledge of his own death, he wept in the Garden. He struggled with it so much, he escaped to pray about it three times. Yet he surrendered to his Father’s will and willingly marched towards the Cross. Just a short time before, the brother of a couple of his best friends died and there we read the shortest verse in the Bible, “Jesus wept.” Why? He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, he knew the lifeless body before him was not going to remain that way. Was he moved by compassion towards his friends? Was he gripped with the knowledge of his own death? While he could discern what was in the hearts of his disciples and foresaw Judas’ betrayal, could it be that he didn’t know how his own story was going to play out? Surely he knew death held no power. He saw the glories of heaven first-hand and witnessed the countless number of lives who waited in “Abraham’s bosom”. Yet he still cried.

While I don’t understand it, I’m going to take Jesus’ example as permission to feel sadness with respect to death. Yes, I believe in the resurrection. Yes, I believe we should rejoice when a loved one gets to enter into God’s heavenly Kingdom. But I will still feel sadness. I will still cry. So the next time you see me at a movie bawling my eyes out, don’t be surprised.

Hand Up or Handout? (repost)

Frank

This week’s Blog Carnival topic is “Compassion”. Head over to Bridget Chumbley’s for more thoughts, convictions, and experiences.

***Originally posted on October 26, 2009***

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” -James 1:27

I recently brought up my involvement in an addiction recovery ministry. I thank all of you for your encouraging comments. Truth is, I wouldn’t be involved in that ministry if I didn’t need it myself. Besides my character, I have learned much about the human condition and those things that drive us to our drugs of choice. I’ve also learned that in order to overcome our addictions and surrender our will to God, we need to “hit bottom”. This means we’ve reached our lowest point and that realization motivates us to change. Recovery “raises” that bottom, so our motivation for sobriety moves from being afraid of the worst that could happen to desiring the best that God has in store for us. The temptation for many is to prevent a loved one from reaching their bottom. We don’t want to see them suffer. We want to save them. But suffering is exactly what they need to find the desire for recovery.

This creates a paradox to the Christian. There is no sin so horrible that God can’t forgive. “Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear” (Isaiah 59:1) And we are commanded to “forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13b) Likewise we are commanded to “carry each other’s burdens” because “in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2)

It’s easy to forgive an addict without enabling him. But where do you draw the line when carrying his burdens? On one hand, he needs to suffer the consequences of his decisions. But that does not mean we cannot help. Picking him up from the bar at 2:00 AM because he can’t drive home is not carrying his burdens. But sponsoring him at a meeting is.

With addiction, that line is more clear than when dealing with other sins. What about a single teenage mother? Is offering to babysit while she searches for a job enabling, or sharing her burden? This is something my wife and I are currently battling. There are a couple of single moms that we’ve been reaching out to and opening our home to. When we bring them to church, the stares we get say, “why would you help her? It’s her fault she’s in the situation she’s in.” Are we preventing them from hitting their bottom? I’d like to think instead we’re offering a safe environment in which they can work out their issues. Much like a recovery meeting.

Sadly, this perspective doesn’t seem to be shared. To some, we are offering a handout instead of a hand up. I am moved to pray the lyrics to Brandon Heath’s song, Give Me Your Eyes,

“All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see”

I can then follow up with Leeland and Brandon Heath’s Follow You,

“Faith without works is dead
On the cross your blood was shed
So how could we not give it away so freely?”

I only pray others may see the world in the same way.

***Update: Since this was posted last October, one of these women found gainful employment that also provided much-needed daycare and another moved in with her family for help while she goes to school. Sadly, neither have since kept in touch. I’m now wrestling with how best to minister to a family where the wife is infected with HIV and the husband is working his fingers to the bone to provide. The faces change, but the battle remains the same. It is my conviction that being a Christian means more than spouting off Bible verses and having perfect attendance on Sundays. We need to share the compassion of Christ to everyone, whether or not it is comfortable or convenient.***

Blogging to the Choir?

Frank

I’m insecure about my blog traffic, I admit. Frequently I consider hanging it all up, logging off, and not returning. I can’t keep up with Twitter traffic, nor can I take the time to read every other Christian blog I’ve found that I’m interested in. And I know that successfully doing both would increase interest and traffic on my blog.

I also question the value. Is there anyone really listening? I’m a sports junkie and I see this on message boards as well. Someone will pontificate on a point about fan behavior, or attendance, or a blown call a ref made. For the most part, everyone agrees. In those forums, you’re essentially preaching to the choir. Christian blogging isn’t much different. It’s unlikely non-believers are reading my blog; though I suppose they could be, I know they don’t comment. Followers and commenters are like-minded. I read their blogs, they read mine, and we both nod our heads in agreement. Don’t get me wrong, I come away after reading about others’ convictions with new convictions of my own. And that’s the hope I have with this blog. But I wonder…

So what difference does this all make? Will I transform the church with my words? Will these thoughts lead anyone to Christ? Is this even the correct medium for this message? Of course there are others who have this nailed. They know how to increase traffic, know how to appropriately respond when traffic is down, and sincerely believe in the medium (and these were all just from Saturday!). But I’m not so easily convinced.

Then last week something strange happened. A blogger, with the power of the pen (or pixel), disrupted the plans for expansion of an NCAA Division-1 FBS (don’t ask) conference, called a bluff on a state legislature, and likely single-handedly changed the landscape of college football. And he’s not done. If you don’t follow college football and the BCS, I’m talking about Chip Brown and the drama that ensued last week as the Big 12 effectively dissolved, the PAC 10 added Colorado, and the Mountain West took a week to announce they were adding Boise State. And like I said, by the time you read this, there will likely be more changes announced. Granted, Chip Brown is no ordinary blogger, he worked for the Dallas Morning News for 10 years, but there was a lot of power in his words as he turned the rumor mill.

I’m reminded that our words have power, even if they are electronic rather than spoken. An encouraging word still has the power to encourage a reader. And a convicting scripture will still convict.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)

“As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:10-11)

So my questions to you Christian bloggers out there:

Who is your audience and what is the goal of your blog? (be sure to link your blog too!)

What kind of Christian are you?

Frank

One of my buds approached me at church last week and greeted me by saying, ” ‘sup ninja?” And my wheels started turning. I don’t think he meant anything by it, but that’s a pretty good description- I’m ruthless, deadly, skilled in the Art of War. Or then again, maybe I’m not. But I think that’s a pretty good description of me as a Christian. So what kind of Christian are you?

  • Ninja: You work best behind the scenes. Effective and efficient. May never get credit and is seldom seen, but we know after you’ve been there, that the job got done.

  • Pirate: You’re always seeking the next adventure. Your focus is on the treasure stored for you… somewhere marked with an ‘x’. And you smell.

  • Rambo: Strong and independent. Out of place in the world because you were bred for battle. Better not get in your way.

  • Homer Simpson: You’re clumsy and not very bright. But somehow, some way, everything seems to work out for you.

  • Ned Flanders: To quote a comedian I once heard, “you have every book of the Bible memorized, but you can’t remember to turn off your turn signal.” Your religiosity turns people off, but you’re genuine and sincere.

  • Jack Bauer: Need something done? We turn to you. You’ll do whatever it takes, though your morality can best be described as “grey”.

  • Lost: No, not with respect to salvation, but referencing the TV show. You have a constant tension between faith and reason, science and the supernatural. Everyone is trying to figure out what makes you tick.

  • Superman: Seemingly invincible, nothing seems to shake your faith. But there’s one thing that’s your kryptonite, and it can kill you.

  • Spider Man: You keep your sense of humor in every trying circumstance. Your faith is stronger that it looks. But you don’t choose the best of friends.

  • Simon Cowell: You always have an opinion. But you speak the truth in love (ok, I’m reaching here).

  • Meredeth Grey: You narrate your life as there always seems to be drama around you. You are a faithful friend, if indecisive.

  • Rocky: You can take a punch. You’re an underdog. No matter how many times you get knocked down, you always get back up.

  • Jesus: ‘nuff said.

So, what kind of Christian are you?

If none of the above, make up your own!

R12: Hindsight

Frank

So after (what felt like) sprinting through the Living on the Edge book, I wanted to look back at what worked and what didn’t. My motivation for structuring this “virtual small group” the way I did was twofold: one, I believe in the message and I wanted to get it out; and two, I wanted to see if this was an effective medium for delivering this message. In other words, I cared about this and I wanted to know if anyone else did either.

Bad news first. What didn’t work:

  • Length: It wasn’t my intention to rewrite the book, which I effectively did with each post. But I wanted to get more in-depth than just a review. Honestly, I would read a chapter, sit down at the keyboard, and whatever came out was what you saw. There was some early criticism of the length, but I wanted to be thourough enough that someone could participate without having the book and those who were compelled to pick it up, would have an additional perspective to deepen their convictions.
  • Pace: This goes with length. Posting daily thoughts on each chapter might have been more palatible if each post were shorter. I kept the pace I did because each chapter was short, and if I followed the standard one-chapter-a-week pace, it would’ve taken half a year to complete. Both length and pace were a drain on me and I’m sure they were on the reader as well.
  • The R12 videos: My original plan was to link the videos on Facebook and use that as a springboard for discussion there. Instead, I couldn’t embed those videos and Facebook was defaulted as another link to this blog.
  • The LOTE Facebook page: After an initial positive response to the idea, I posted (mostly) regular discussion points on Living On the Edge’s Facebook page. I didn’t get a single reply once I got started, though I did gain a couple of followers that way.
  • Facebook and Twitter: My experience was that I only got a few “hits” from these social media sites. So I can’t say either increased my traffic (which wasn’t necessarily my goal, but was a metric of how interested others were in this topic).
  • MOTIVE ME: These were pulled straight from the book and I was hoping they would initiate discussion. They didn’t and I am guilty myself of not following through on some of the actions that should have followed each chapter to deepen convictions. In other words, I wrote about it a lot, but I failed to put my own words into practice.

What worked:

  • Facebook and Twitter: While they didn’t increase traffic, I had some good discussions on Facebook and I gained several followers on Twitter. What is encouraging was that many of my new followers on Twitter are involved in some form of addiction ministries, which tells me I hit a nerve there.
  • Su.pr: I used su.pr to link my posts up on Twitter which would then update my Facebook page. I used Network Blogs to also update my Facebook status so FB got hit twice. But while I didn’t get many hits via Twitter or Facebook, I got a lot of traffic from StumbledUpon. I gained over 30 new followers and averaged over 40 hits (which is huge for me) on each post just from StumbledUpon.
  • Most commented: On Facebook, ironically a post that I failed to copy a link to this blog, I asked “Do you blame others for who you are? Do you blame God?” That struck a nerve with a few friends and there was a (by my standards) lengthy debate that followed on nature versus nurture.
  • Most retweeted: From Twitter, What does a Surrendered Life Look Like? And from StumbledUpon, both Are you Ready to See God Do the Impossible? and Will You Let Christ Heal You? (via the clever tweet: cursing the bird does not clean the windshield)
  • Most clicked: Are you Ready to See God Do the Impossible?

So, what’s next? I need to back off the daily grind of posting, though I didn’t intend to fall completely off the net last week. Expect to see 3-4 posts a week returning to my roots of posting commentary on current events mixed with some “deep thoughts” I gain along the way. I also attended a writer’s conference a couple of weeks ago, and I need to take that side of my writing more seriously. Hopefully I’ll have good news to share in the future with this venture. I’m also going to take this blog to the next level (step two in my three-year plan) so look for updates hopefully soon.

I’m likely not going to do a chapter-by-chapter study of another book. But I do plan on using books to spring off studies. While I need to catch up on other reading, I also have a backlog of books that I wouldn’t have if not for this blog. I owe a review of John and Staci Eldredge’s Love and War, thanks to Kevin Martineau I have the book Transforming Church in Rural America by Shannon O’Dell, and thanks to Peter Pollock (a long time ago) I have If God were Real by John Avant. The latter two scratch an itch that will turn into a study series down the road.

Thanks for participating in my study. Hope you stick around. Finally, for you, the reader, what worked for you and what didn’t? Please give feedback so our next study will be even better!

Baseball and Buffalo Wings

Frank

You know the feeling. You’re restless and anxious. You may be fidgety, uncomfortable in your own skin. Maybe you blame it on cabin fever, “I just need to get out.” Or maybe you blame it on the stress of your job, your family, your bills. Either way, you need to do something.

It’s at this point we face a critical decision. Do we turn to God as our strength? Or do we turn to something else to fill this hole?

You see it in other people too. The overbearing Little League parent. The workaholic. The person that always seems to be on edge. The addict.

What we all have in common is the need to be filled. We think pleasure will fill us, but that never seems to satisfy. We think companionship will fill us, but people will always let us down. We think accomplishments will fill us, but those never last.

For me lately, I turn to my comfort food and an opportunity to check-out. Give me a dozen wings and a big screen and don’t bother me for a couple of hours. I’ll fill my stomach and I’ll fill my mind, but that hole still remains.

That’s because this hole isn’t in my mind or my body, but is in my soul. This “God-shaped hole” can only be filled with a deep, meaningful, purposeful relationship with our Creator. Prayer, studying the Word, seeking out His will by serving others, doing what is right. These are the things that fill this hole. But we use that up. Like a gas tank on a long journey, we need to keep stopping to fill ourselves up.

It’s a long journey, this life. Don’t try to travel on an empty tank.

(This post is part of Bridget Chumbley’s Blog Carnival. This week’s topic is emptiness.)

Memorial

Frank

(Thanks to Fred for the inspiration!)

We are a species created to remember. Nearly every country on Earth has memorials erected to honor fallen soldiers, past leaders/heroes and historical events. I love to visit Washington, DC- I city built of memorials. Perhaps the most moving is the Vietnam Memorial, where the name of every fallen soldier is listed. I haven’t yet seen the WWII Memorial, which saw so many soldiers lost that it would be near-impossible to list every name. Instead are stars, representing 100 fallen soldiers. There are 4048 such stars.

Today you are likely to enjoy a barbecue, take in a movie, or maybe visit the beach or a baseball game. There might be parades or memorial events at the local cemetery. But the real celebration of Memorial Day is enjoying the freedoms earned and protected by our fallen soldiers and those presently in the fight. In such a way, we are living memorials as our lives honor those who fought and fight for all that we have.

The Bible is likewise filled with memorials. Stones erected, places renamed, and altars built to remember what God had done for His Chosen People. Just a quick sampling: the naming of Bethel, where Jacob dreamt of the Stairway to Heaven; The twelve stones marking where the Nation of Israel crossed the Jordan; the place of Ebenezer, where the Israelites saw victory over the Philistines. After Christ, we have the memorial of the bread and wine, but with the curtain of the Temple torn in two and the tomb found vacant, there was not a physical memorial erected to memorialize what Jesus had done.

But there doesn’t need to be. We are that memorial. Paul writes, “You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.” (2 Corinthians 3:2-3, emphasis added)

Just as we celebrate Memorial Day today by enjoying the freedoms won for us, we celebrate the memorial of Jesus Christ every day by allowing our lives to be a testimony of the sacrifice offered on our behalf. Is you life a memorial to the sacrifice of Jesus?

R12: Are you ready to see God do the impossible?

Frank

The bottom line, to supernaturally respond to evil with good is found in the concluding lines of Romans 12, “Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.” Does this work? Absolutely! Though it does not prevent evil, remember we live in a fallen world, it does ensure that we are qualified to be Christ’s ambassadors to this world. The goal is not to rid the world of evil, but change our hearts and minds such that goodness permeates through every facet of our life such that the label ‘Christian’ or ‘little Christ’ truly applies.

Just as goodness should reign in every facet of our lives, in our thoughts and attitudes, it should also be apparent in our relationships as well. Recall that in this book, Romans 12 was divided into the following relationships: God (v 1), the world (v 2), ourselves (v 3-8), the Church (v 9-13), and our enemies (v 14-21). Overcoming evil with good can and should be applied to each of these.

To close out this final relationship, I want to call to mind the following scriptures to remind us and encourage us that we have someone fighting on our side that cannot be defeated. The battle is already won and Christ is the victor!

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7)

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:14-16)

Think: What does it mean to be an r12 Christian?
Reflect: How has this r12 journey impacted your life?
Understand: Of the five relationships we have studied together, in which of these have you seen the greatest spiritual growth? In which area do you need the most help in becoming more like Christ?
Surrender: Surrender is a point in time and also a life-long journey. How would you describe your present relationship with God?

  • I’m all in!
  • I’m holding back just a little.
  • I need help, I’m stuck with…

Take Action: This book is just the beginning of becoming an r12 Christian.
Motivation: If you commit to becoming an r12 disciple maker, go to r12 online and explore our free resources to help you disciple others. [follow the r12 button on the right and explore from there]
Encourage Someone: Encourage someone you know in another city who wants to grow. Send them a copy of this book and coach them or do the study with them.

Today concludes our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.

R12: Could you be ‘playing God’?

Frank

“Revenge is a dish best served cold.” In other words, don’t act in the heat of the moment. The Bible gives us similar instruction in Romans 12:17, “Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” This is a passage easily taken out of context. At first blush, it looks as though it is instructing us to be people pleasers. But this sentence follows another in verse 17, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil.” And recall the context of the last three chapters- how do we respond to the evil aimed at us and the hurt caused?

“Be careful” can be literally translated as “think about” or “consider”. In other words, we need to be conscious of our motives. We need to think before we act. We must ask ourselves what is driving this desire to repay evil for evil, confront that motive, and give it up to God. We need to be careful.

But this is also a two-way street. The NASB translation of the second sentence in verse 17 reads, “Respect what is right in the sight of all men.” The lesson in Plato’s Protagoras is that “all things are true for him who believes it.” It is logically impossible to believe in something you know is false. The same is true for our behavior. If someone is acting out and causing harm, the sad truth is that is what he or she knows is right in their eyes. In this do-anything-to-get-ahead world, most people think it perfectly ok to lie, cheat, or steal their way to the top. They may have lines they will not cross, but their morals are defined by the world. We need to recognize this, and therefore not be surprised when someone runs us over as they are speeding to the front of the line.

To drive the point home, verse 17 is followed up with, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” This drives a stake through the heart of the “doormat Christian” mentality. If it is possible. It may not be possible and it may not be right. If the evil aimed at us is illegal, or physically abusive, it is not possible. This verse is not encouraging us to be doormats. At the same time it also reads, “as far as it depends on you…” Much of the hurt caused us has nothing to do with us. We don’t encourage it, we don’t invite it. We are literally victims and that hurt does not depend on us.

If this is hard to swallow, let me paraphrase these two verses: “Don’t be the one to start trouble. Work for peace in your relationships.” Don’t start it.

Don’t finish it either. Verses 19-20 instruct us to not seek revenge. Why? Don’t we cheer for the hero of the story that does everything possible to make sure the bad guys get what’s coming to them? Sure we do. But most of us aren’t movie stars or action heroes. And when we seek revenge, when we desire payback, we are telling God that we don’t trust his justice. “It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.” Vengeance, meting out justice, is God’s job. It is hard to let things go trusting in God’s judgement. We may not see justice in this life, so we are robbed of that sense of closure. So it requires faith to let God do what He does. When we seek revenge or pay someone back for what they’ve done to us, we are putting ourselves ahead of God, in His place. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Finally, we have to remember Romans 12 is about personal relationships. We’re not talking about war or crime in these cases. The focus is on what we can do to be like Christ in all our relationships, good and bad.

Think: Why does God prohibit personal retaliation or revenge?
Reflect: What happens when we pay back evil for evil? When have you done that? What were the results?
Understand: How can you afford to let “people off the hook”? What is God’s role? His promise?
Surrender: Ask God to help you turn over “justice” to Him. Pray this week, fully releasing any desire for “payback” and turn the person who has wronged you and all outcomes over to God.
Take Action: Stop saying, thinking, or hoping bad things about your enemy. Don’t let these words come out of your mouth and refuse to let them linger when they come into your mind.
Motivation: Consider memorizing Romans 12:19-21. Read it or say it aloud every time you’re tempted to let vengeful thoughts linger or you catch yourself saying something negative about a person.
Encourage Someone: Think of someone at church, work, or in the neighborhood who has been treated even more unfairly or harshly than you. Ask God to show you a tangible way to provide support to them- a note, a gift, a dinner, or a listening ear.

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.

R12:Do you know when you look most like Jesus?

Frank

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” (Romans 12:14) Yesterday we defined “blessing” as desiring God’s best for someone. When it comes to those who have hurt us, we cannot have that desire without first making a decision to forgive. That, by itself, does not fully cleanse our hearts of bitterness, but it begins the process. You may still have negative feelings and attitudes, you are allowed to still hurt, but you decide not to let those feelings rule over you.

So you’ve decided to forgive and you’re begrudgingly desiring God’s best for this person (by the way, the best way to get to this point is through prayer, prayer, and more prayer), now what? Romans 12 continues, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” (v 15-16) I’ve always taken these verses as a stand-alone description of our relationships in general, but in context they are commands on how to relate to those who have hurt us.

It’s one thing to half-heartedly pray for God’s blessings in someone’s life. It an entirely different attitude to genuinely be happy when those blessings come to fruition. This continues the “scrubbing” process in our souls. Of course this is hard and is likely impossible without the Holy Spirit intervening on our behalf, but we are still commanded to have this attitude.

You’ve likely been here before: you are passed over for a promotion by someone you do not like; there is a promotion party that everyone is invited to; you don’t go. Romans 12:15 commands us to go, put a smile on our face, and sincerely wish the best for this person. How much easier is it to stay behind in your cubicle and allow your hurt to stew.

Chip Ingram gives other examples in his book that better describe this not from an individual disciple perspective, but from the perspective of the corporate church as a whole. Think of the reputation Christians, or rather our churches, have: judgemental, only wanting our money, corrupt and/or filled with cronyism, full of double-standards, hypocritical, lacking grace, and so on, and so on. Think about the real-life spiritual warfare that is going on outside our churches walls: homosexuality, single parenthood, teenage pregnancy, addiction, and poverty. Are rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourning with those who are mourning in these circumstances? More, are you “willing to associate with” these people? If not, your attitude is not “the same as that of Christ Jesus, who” lived his life among the tax collectors and prostitutes and forgave the very ones who beat, insulted, and ultimately killed him. “By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35)

Bringing this back home, where if you haven’t faced this situation yet, you will someday: My family is presently suffering the inevitable loss of the family matriarch. On Sunday family from all over came to her house to pay their last respects, share memories and tears, and try to have closure. But beneath the surface ran a current of resentment, competitiveness, and pride. Behind every “how are you doing?” was an unspoken “you don’t deserve your share of the inheritance.” Behind every “I’m glad you were here for her” was the question, “why didn’t you ever call?” I’ve been through this before, and I’ll likely go through it again. It is sad that we let petty grievances prevent us from “mourning with those who mourn.” But this is a real battle in a real situation.

Regardless of any attitude or feeling, when we, as disciples of Christ, enter into those circumstances, we must obey Paul’s command. If we do, we show the real Jesus to those who may not know him or don’t know him well enough. And “all men will know…” to the Glory of the Father.

Think: What in this [post] spoke to you?
Reflect: What aspect of this teaching from Romans 12 was hardest for you to accept? Why?
Understand: What would it look like in your situation to rejoice (or weep) with the very one who treated you wrongly?
Surrender: Ask God to show you how he wants you to apply this truth in your life in view of your specific circumstances.
Take Action: Choose from the list of actions on events on pages 234 and 235 and bless you enemies this week. [These are life-events such as marriage, the birth of a baby, the recovery from an illness, etc on the rejoicing side, and death, illness, troubles at home, etc on the mourning side of Romans 12:15]
Motivation: Download the audio message How to Overcome the Evil Aimed at You at r12 online [click the r12 button to the right, select the Supernaturally tab and find this message under Free Resources]
Encourage Someone: Think of someone who has been betrayed or wounded and share r12 with them like [was done with Chip in the book].

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.